On The Rocks: Day #27 - I'm Not Going To Freak Out

I did something bad yesterday. Something that I knew would change my life yesterday. Something that I've been avoiding for 5 months.

I stepped on the scale.

I knew my clothes were tight...like extremely tight. And I knew that I had to buy a pair of jeans that were one size bigger. But seeing the number always feels worse. I feel like I'm mourning the loss of my former confident and in shape self, and realizing that I have undone a lot of work. It's embarrassing having to admit my weaknesses on my blog that promotes healthy living, but I feel like it's important for people to be able to talk about their fears, failures, and struggles. If you have weight issues your whole life like I have, you know that this is a lifetime struggle. It will never be cured. It's either under control or out of control.

I know it could be worse. I know I could have gained more and not stopped myself as soon as I did. But, in reality I undid 10 months of work in 5 months and I am not happy about this. Am I back at the very beginning? No. I'm still quite a few pounds away from that. Let's just say I'm somewhere in the middle of my "before" and my "after" pictures.

What happened? I'm not totally sure. June and July was filled with special events and celebrations and many easy excuses to celebrate with food and drink. Then August and September was total chaos trying to pack our apartment while my boyfriend was in Mexico for a month and then having to move the day after he got back. Since then, stress in regards to money, the uncertainty of my career, and the hours I put into creating a second career has caused me to cope with more food and drink. These are not excuses. But they are truths.

So what's next? Setting new goals. First goal = NOT FREAKING OUT. Obviously I am going to really step up my exercise plan, 3 hours a week just ain't cutting it. And my weekend "partying" must cease. But, the details still need to be worked out (which I will post, just to help keep me on track).

So instead of beating myself up, crying for days (only happened for minutes, I swear), and hating myself for gaining more weight than I should have. I'm getting back on the horse and just doing it again. It's really that simple.

Denny's: Fabulous French Toast
(adapted from "Top Secret Restaurant Recipes 2")

Ingredients:
1/4 cup egg substitute
1/4 cup nonfat milk
3 tbsp splenda
3 tbsp whole wheat flour
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
pinch of cinnamon
1 tsp Can't Believe It's Not Butter - Light
3 slices light Oroweat whole wheat bread

Garnish-
1 tsp powdered sugar
1/4 cup sugar free maple syrup

Directions:
1. Whisk egg, milk, flour, splenda, vanilla and cinnamon in large bowl.

2. Preheat skillet on medium heat with butter.
3. Place each slice of bread in batter. Let sit for 15 seconds on each side. Then place in hot skillet.