My absence from blogging this last week had been due to lack of time, lack of motivation, and consumption of yummy-yet-definitely-not-figure-flattering foods. And realistically, I've been living this somewhat gluttonous lifestyle for weeks now. At first it's fun and exciting, and now it's just down right depressing.
Where did my drive go? If you find it, please let me know. I'm definitely getting lost without it.
After a handful of weeks of eating out, drinking like there's no tomorrow, and forgetting the gym even existed, I am back in this place where my clothes are a bit tighter and suddenly want to beat myself up for it. I can blame it on the summer parties, my job in which I contemplate quitting every week, or trying to spend time with Mr. M after months of barely seeing him. Maybe I can blame it on the other food/nutrition blogs that make it seem like keeping in shape is easy and fun, or I can blame it on all the cooking shows that make me want to make a chorizo and bacon stuffed cheeseburger.
In the end, I just got tired.
With most previously-fat-yet-still-not-skinny people, we may always be stuck in limbo. I should be happy that I have maintained most of my 60 pound weight loss, but I somehow focus on the fact that I still want to lose 15 (now 25!) pounds. After almost 25 years of knowing that I will never be that "damn, look at her body" girl, I still haven't stopped comparing myself to her. When will I look in the mirror and say "I am happy with being a size 10"?
Possibly never. But that's not going to stop me from trying.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
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